Marvel (Cinematic Universe)

November 8th 2023 | Evening
Topic: Comics (2)
Mood: Relaxed

hi um! i'm obsessed with batman now which means i must have an opinion on marvel right? when i was a kid i was a pretty big mcu guy. uh marvel was actually my first fandom. my first interaction with strangers on the internet was the stony (steve rogers/tony stark) amino lolol. i fell off around infinity war i guess but have seen a few of the new movies... these days i'm pretty neutral, can't find it in my heart to give a shit type of thing. i have tried for the sake of the nostalgia but eh. as far as the movies go here is my very correct and true opinions: iron man 1, 2, 3, captain america 1, 2, thor 1, 2, guardians 1 and avengers 1, 2 are all pretty decent. fun to throw on with friends. nothing ground breaking but they're somewhat charming. i like these movies because they don't feel as airbrushed as the rest of the marvel movies. there's a certain look(?) to the people in the newer marvel movies that makes me uncomfortable. like it's definitely still worse in these movies than in other stuff (like captain america will never not make me kind of uncomfortable. people just... don't look like that...) but it isn't so bad that i a. can't tell the people apart (this is a massive issue for me due to face blindness so it's still a problem with older movies but with newer movies it is impossible for me to tell white male characters apart from each other) or b. find it impossible to sympathize with the characters (when they look that fake i find it difficult to focus on anything other than "christ that isn't what real people look like"). i also like these movies because they feel a little more self contained. i like that the movies are connected but i don't like when they're so big that they feel reliant on each other (other than like individual series, obviously its okay that iron man 2 relies on iron man 1 lol). there are a few movies in the "so airbrushed it makes me uncomfortable" category that i still like somewhat though! i enjoyed ragnarok and guardians 2! i didn't enjoy infinity war or endgame that much. they both felt very ugh idk. like they ruined the other movies for me. i guess i like character driven stories more? so i don't like how it feels like all these characters were thrown into this massive event without much thought for how it would impact their character? i've never been a big universe shattering comic event guy, i mostly read shorter runs that focus on self contained stories. also non canon stuff. where i really fell off was captain marvel i think. it's so annoying not liking something that other people don't like but for totally different reasons. like everyone hates captain marvel because they hate women and think that captain marvel is a woke liberal movie, i don't like captain marvel because it's boring and it creeps me out how much they edited larson (seriously, have you SEEN how much they flatten her stomach in post?) we are not the same!!! uh what was i saying? marvel is kinda mid to me. i don't really like any of the movies all that much and i haven't really read the comics. but enough negativity what DO i like about marvel??? WELL! i like spider-man (i am the fakest spider-man fan on earth) i don't really know anything about him and am not crazy about the holland movies but i just love spider-man as a concept i think he's sooooo cool and i want to be just like him. i should watch into the spiderverse peace and love. i also like deadpool but i've only read a few deadpool comics and haven't seen the movies. i think it's really cool that he's canadian, not because i'm particularly patriotic but because him being canadian canonizes insane behavior displayed by all canadians like: not being scared of bears but being terrified of canadian geese (cobra chicken); absolutely hating tim hortons but getting super excited about going there anyways; wearing t-shirts in negative degree weather; etc. like they don't have to show any of that on page/screen for it to be canon because him being canadian just inherently means he behaves this way. it's like how if you say a character is gay you can asume they are attracted to the same gender. umm what else of marvel do i like... i liked the venom movie a lot idk if that counts tho... i don't have anything else to say on this topic. uh actually: every time a fic writer mentions/implies that dp is wearing shoes inside i instinctually close the fic.

Demon Neighbors + Posters

November 5th 2023 | Afternoon
Topic: Life Update (5)
Mood: Sore

school is kicking my ass as always... ugh you would think studying something you're passionate about would make school easy but it just kills the vibe. i should be working on assignments rn but i am so unbelievably sore from carrying my stupid heavy grocceries like 3km yesterday so i will not be doing work! like jeez my shoulders and biceps are ACHING this is messed up... i haven't spoken about how much i hate my neighbors on here yet i don't think... so uh yeah. my neighbors! they are nightmares. how can there be so many people who love lsitening to music on max volume on my floor and how do they ALL have terrible music taste? and the SCREAMING???? why are there always people screaming in my hallway... like you aren't dying... and also my neighbors will play like an alternate version of red butt (does anyone know what that is?) outside my door for some reason??? enough about my neighbors from hell though... i got the nightwing leaping into the light tp and i love it so much oh my god it was worth every cent. i love babs so much and she's been in it a ton so far. dickbabs forever. uh what else do i have to say... i'm losing my touch if i can hardly babble on for a page... ugh jeez i'm not going to talk about the weather!!! i'm going to make a wishlist of posters i think because like. posters are cool and it makes my room look less like a prison cell. here list of posters i want GO: nightwing, KISS, vampire knight, nana, bon jovi, literally any 2000s anime girl poster, eva (i haven't seen eva but common man), lain, rocky horror picture show, terminator, more batman posters, do you think they make batgirl posters? non-sexual poster of topless women tbh i love artistic nudity. sexual artistic nudity is cool too but sex isn't my thing. um what else... catherine omg i need a catherine poster... theres gotta be more... yugioh would be cool maybe... maybe something NDS related. maybe bandori or project sekai? will update with a poster haul at a later date.

the best batman comic of all time

September 21st 2023 | Night
Topic: Comics (1)
Mood: None
Content Warnings: Violence, Sexual Violence, Torture, Misogyny, Unhealthy Relationships

i'm not very in "in it" right now so this might not come across very clearly but i've been thinking about this over the past few days and wanted to talk about it. i read the killing joke a few weeks ago and i really enjoyed it (and by enjoyed i mean i found it interesting and extremely disturbing) spoilers for the comic (and probably the movie). the killing joke tells the story of the joker trying to make james gordon go insane through torture. notably he does this by (among other methods) shooting his daughter, barbra gordon, then taking photos of her (nude) body as she writhes in pain, he then shows gordon these photos. to start out i want to mention that this is very clearly fridging. barbra shows up for one scene and is shot and that is it; then the rest of the comic focuses on how this affects gordon. this comic feels pretty heavily misogynistic. for one (and now i'm not great at media analysis so i could be missing something here) the nudity thing feels pretty unecessary. i think the page that went to print comes across as sexual, but i'm notoriously terrible at telling when something is intended to be sexual. however, there are three drawings of barbra's bare ass which seems excessive to me. i'm not like against the merging of sex and violence in storytelling if it serves a purpose, but i think this story would've been the same if barbra was wearing shorts and a tee-shirt. the nudity (gordon is also depicted without clothing) might have something to do with insanity and letting go of society but if it does i'm not good enough at literary analysis to tell you what specifically. maybe she needed to be naked because it makes the joker even more evil but in my opinion if you can't make a character evil without throwing in sexual violence as like a "wow look how evillll he is" that is more a sign of weak storytelling than anything. like if barbra was clothed joker still would've 1. shot (and possibly killed, obviously barbra is still alive but that isn't clear in tkj) barbra and then tortured her father with the intention of causing a mental breakdown. like that is still fucked up and evil. we did not gain anything from the nudity. at least the page that went to print isn't as agregious as the original drawing. hrmm what i'm trying to say is that i don't think the killing joke is all that. it's interesting, and the flashlight quote is one of my favorites, but it isn't exactly peak fiction like some people make it out to be. i don't really get why people treat tkj like one of the best batman comics of all time. it's okay. i definitely reccomend reading it if you're interested in gordon, joker or batman, but like. eh. i don't know what else to say on that.... hrmm.... might watch the movie but apparently batman and barbra fuck in it which is. horrifying. her dad is literally one of batman's closest friends. what the hell. also she is depicted in a relationship with dick a lot so. that's. hrm... i know it's a different continuity but it's still gross.

older youtube

September 15th 2023 | Morning
Topic: Life Update (4)
Mood: Content

hello :) i've been watching a lot of youtube that i enjoyed when i was younger... it's all very nostalgic and comforting. i'm currently watching scykohplays play sonic '06 which is a lets play i watched when i was about seven or eight. his commentary is pretty funny and i just find the videos very relaxing since they remind me of my childhood. i think i might make a page where i talk about all my favorite childhood youtubers. umm i watched quite a bit of mcyt but only really from stampy and popularmmos... i ocassionally branched out to watch sqaishey and ldshadowlady though... one of my favorite channels as a kid was zombie go boom or zgb studios. i probably shouldn't have been watching their videos when i was that young but eh i really enjoyed them. other youtubers i watched were: tama hero, a+start and unlistedleaf. i used to rewatch tama hero's videos over and over lol. there were also two other videos that i used to rewatch a lot... ummm i'll try to find them... one of them was "ballistic squid & stampy - barely cooking contest" ( i don't know why i liked this video in particular so much... the other one is a popularmmos video i can't remember the name of right now... it was part of the minecraft epic proportions series but otherwise i can't remember... i watched a lot of glitch videos as a kid too... was really fascinated by them. i would watch basically any video i could find about glitches (especially pokemon glitches) but i especially liked tama hero's pokemon glitch series... this was also when i was a bit older but i really enjoyed her girls games videos. i know i've talked about this before but it is VERY upsetting to me that the tama hero powerpuff girls videos came out SEVEN years ago because i very vividly remember when those videos were uploaded and it definitely does not feel like it happened that long ago. something even more upsetting is that the tama hero ev training videos apparently came out TEN YEARS AGO. which means that pokemon xy are at least that old which is very upsetting to me because those are brand new games basically. do i even want to look up when they came out... so pokemon xy came out 10 years ago and pokemon bw came out 13 years ago which is very upsetting to me because pokemon bw was the first game i like. chose for myself, like all my other games up to this point were games my parents thought i would like. ugh i don't know how i feel about this... (my dialogue box closes and i walk away with my head down and a dark cloud above me like in animal crossing)


September 7th 2023 | Night
Topic: Life Update (3)
Mood: Fighting For My Life

hi welcome to julian talks in broad strokes about his life. i was going to keep this to myself because privacy but i figure it isn't really that big a deal so: wow! i'm in university now. this is my first time living away from home and i don't know anyone at my school so it is definitely a big change for me. i am currently unsure if i am adjusting well or if i am just blocking out my feelings lol. i definitely do feel somewhat homesick though. and i've yet to make any friends so it is a bit lonely... although i still have all my friends back home and my online friends to text, so it hasn't been that bad. what i wanted to talk about today is how comforting i find fan-fiction. i've always loved fan-fiction a lot, not only is it part of my broader special interest (fandom), but i also just view it as a really wonderful expression of passion and love. i don't say this to devalue art that is bought or sold, because i think there is a lot of beauty to be found in art like movies and TV and games regardless of "why" they were created, but i do feel that there is something special about something like fan-fiction that will never be monotized in any way and is unlikely to even be seen by many people. anyways, i have found a lot of comfort in fic as of late. it is probably just because i have brought my ritual of reading a fic before bed with me to this unfamiliar place, but it has been making this transition a lot easier for me, which is something i am very grateful for. i want to write, because i haven't had the energy since i got here, but ugh, writers block... hopefully soon... i have so many new expereinces to incorperate into my stories after all! i have mostly been spending my free time reading ouran (i'm almost done re-reading it!) but i have also started working on fan wiki's and just helping to add more information where i can. that is something i find i really enjoy :) i added a few comments to mori's wiki page in the trivia section since i found those things out while i was reading. short post for tonight i guess, since i don't have anything else to say. hope everyone has a good rest of their day!

Ouran High School Host Club

August 31st 2023 | Night
Topic: Book Club (2)
Mood: Out Of It

i'm re-reading ouran high school host club right now. it is very interesting to me. i read it twice when i was very young. bisco hatori is very cool, i like reading her sidebars... she talks about very average things but i find that cool in it's own way. in one sidebar she talks about aya hisakawa (the seiyuu for haruhi in the early drama CDs) coming to her house and how she was very starstruck... it's very comforting to think about the people you look up to also having people they look up to. i also really liked the sidebar where she talks about how she felt like kyoya possessed her while she was writing his parts for the drama CD on the computer haha. i also feel like that when i am writing so it was cool to see her write about the experience! reading bisco hatori write about the drama CDs makes me wish i could listen to them... but alas, i don't understand japanese (i am trying to learn but... i'm not very good... even when i was in a half french half english program at school i didn't really learn much french...) (there are a lot of japanese only games i want to play and i also want to maybe try my hand at translation... i find the topic incredibly fascinating) kind of changing gears here but we were robbed of so much in the anime... did you know hikaru and kaoru wear hair clips in many different chapters? i think it suits them both very well and it's quite cute... also the halloween chapter is very sweet. hikaru and kaoru mess with haruhi but at the end of the chapter it is revealed to be a misguided attempt to get them to enjoy halloween with everyone instead of just going off to study. also they wore angel costumes and haruhi wears the most adorable witch costume in the whole world. then the ALICE IN WONDERLAND CHAPTER??? we got almost all the hosts in the alice dress (tamaki, hikaru, kaoru, haruhi and mori), and we got queen kyoya (who looks a bit like bayonetta?). also i feel like the hikaru/kaoru shit was amplified a LOT in the anime for some reason??? it just doesn't feel as pervasive in the manga. also the beach episode is still bad but it is broken up by the silliest little moment where in the anime when tamaki storms off after dinner he asks kyoya to show him to his room, but in the manga they're staying at a nekozawa estate so instead tamaki is just like "HMPH kyoya aren't you coming to bed? >:(" and kyoya is like ".... guess i'll turn in early..." otherwise the beach chapter is still a major low point for me... tamaki's misogyny is always offputting and The Kyoya Scene is still awful (but much shorter in manga format thank god). oh another positive is that i feel like hikaru and kaoru's characters are better telegraphed in the manga than the anime but that might just be me idk.


August 10th 2023 | Evening
Topic: Just Chatting (6)
Mood: Bitter
Warnings: Dread, Fear, Negativity

i'm feeling more and more like we're living in a dystopian novel. like, i don't live in america, but we get a lot of american news here, and the overturning of roe v wade, the numerous anti-trans laws? it's terrifying, especially since a lot of countries and people treat america like it's the center of the universe. then theres inflation? okay i'll be honest, i'm fucking stupid. i don't understand politics or economics no matter how hard i try, i really do try to read up on these things and understand, but i just. can't wrap my head around it, it makes no sense to me. what do you mean america is in debt to itself? what do you mean inflation is making things more expensive? just don't?? money is literally made up. you made that up. it isn't real. i'm not being intentionally obtuse, i genuinely can not understand these things, i've had them explained to me, i've tried to look it up, i just don't get it. why are people starving when groccers throw out food? then theres climate change, which is insane. our planet is on fucking fire and it's flooding and every other major weather event. i don't understand when people on the news talk about how we can't afford to be climate conscious. money is made up, climate change isn't. i bet you won't care about if it was "affordable" when the world is literally uninhabitable (this does not apply to your average guy, i understand that typically the more sustainable option is more expensive and health/sustainability is often a privillage only afforded to those with expendable income). then there's AI. every time i see someone treat art like content to be consumed i want to be sick. i don't CARE if the "content" is being released quickly if it has been stripped of it's soul. i don't care if you "made" an ending to that fan-fiction that hasn't been updated for years if that ending was created without a passion for the original story. your chatbot does not have a story to tell, it does not have a message to convey. and now people are stealing peoples voices??? thats TERRIFYING. thats SO SCARY. not only is that these peoples careers but that is how they communicate, that is how they connect. imagine one day you log into twitter and a video of you saying something you never said has gone viral? and even if the original poster said that it was created with AI, it will get reposted, and eventually there will be someone who believes you actually said it. and it gets away from you and suddenly you have no control over what your voice is used for. that is HORRIFYING. that is so scary. i don't care if it isn't offensive or inflamatory content, it's still something the original person never said, never wanted to say, you're still taking part of who they are and using it like a toy.


July 18th 2023 | Afternoon
Topic: Just Chatting (5)
Mood: Not Sure

this was going to be a blog about the public perception of anime but now i need to talk about a babysitter i had one time when i was nine. she was a highschooler, probably about seventeen i'd guess, and she comes over around dinner time, warms up my food, we eat dinner, we watch one or two episodes of ouran high school host club on kissanime, then she sends me to bed. like. huh. what? does she even understand the permanent damage she did to me. i don't think i would have this website right now if it weren't for her. she completely changed the trajectory of my life. okay you guys don't understand, this was the first anime i ever watched. sure i was already reading manga at this point but she did three main things 1. got me into ohshc 2. showed me how to access any anime i wanted when before i had no way to watch anime (even tho i wanted to watch the vk anime because i had read the manga) and 3. kickstarted my debilitating need to be a stupid blonde anime boy. she did all of this to me. and she probably doesn't even realize. do you guys think she ocasionally stops and looks up from her computer at whatever job she's working now and goes "i wonder how that kid is doing". do you think she wonders. we emailed after this. she knows she got me into anime. do you think she considers the consequences of her actions. do you think she knows shes the reason i watched an ecchi anime at ten years old. do you think she knows shes the reason i'm still obsessed with sword art online. do you think she grasps this. do you think she regrets it. do you think shes proud. do you think she even remembers. what if she forgot. what if she changed my life and then forgot i existed. okay i work with kids now, do you think she understands what she created? i have kids who tell me they love to watch attack on titan. son you are nine years old. thats who i was. that was me. "hi i love watching the creepy inbreeding vampire anime!" is just the old "hi i love watching the uuberviolent giant naked guys anime" (i havent seen aot don't question it). okay jokes aside though i am genuinely grateful for her! if it weren't for her i don't know if i'd even have this website. as much as watching absolute duo at age nine has permanently damaged my psyche, i think i've gained more than i've lost :)

peoples old mal accounts and online friendships

July 15th 2023 | Afternoon
Topic: Just Chatting (4)
Mood: Relaxed

i've been thinking about how it's kind of weird that the internet is old enough that there are profiles and websites that have been abandoned for over a decade... i like looking at these; but really it depends on my mood, sometimes looking at these makes me feel kind of sad but other times it makes me feel comfortable and at ease... i started watching zombie-loan because i was looking through a bunch of old MAL accounts and the last update someone had made to their account in over a decade had been watching zombie-loan on my birthday. i really like looking at websites like neocities where i can see conversations between friends posted on peoples walls that took place so long ago... like i wonder where they are now, they were probably teenagers back then and are now grown adults with adult responsibilities. i also like reading fanfiction that was written between like 2000 and 2012, i don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but fanfic from this time definitely has a different feeling to it compared to more recent works. not really in a "dated" way, but more like theres just a specific style to it that i can't explain... maybe one day i'll be able to put into words... i also like looking at older youtube videos that i remember watching, especially old tama hero videos. its really cool to see how her videos are like totally different now and the older ones feel "old" not yet i remember watching them when they were new... i watched her pokemon creepypasta and glitch videos over and over and over again... although sometimes i get kind of freaked out watching these "old" videos and seeing her talk about black & white because that game is still brand new to me... i didn't really start using the internet for anything but youtube and kissanime until i was a bit older so unfortunately my experience with fandom was largely very curated by corperations... my first social media was quotev (if that counts?) but the main one was amino... yeah... then it was instagram, then tumblr... i never used twitter, and i deleted amino after about two years thank god. thinking back my early experience with fandom wasn't great... i met some lovely people i'm still friends with but for the most part i was involved in really toxic communities (kinstagram... every amino except one small one i was in...). maybe thats just how it is though? i've avoided basically any negative interactions in the past few years but i've also largely stopped talking to people online that i didn't meet back in my shivers kinstagram or amino days. i think the last time i made a new friend through the internet was in 2021 or maybe early 2022 (the past four years hardly exist to me)... honestly i don't know how to make friends online anymore... when i was younger i was making new friends all the time or even just having one off, but enjoyable, conversations... but i've kind of forgotten how to do that. it's weird having such an isolated experience on the world wide web... i kind of just talk to myself and three friends who i've known for so long i can't remember not knowing them.

This website

July 2nd 2023 | Morning
Topic: Life Update (2)
Mood: Bleh

totally uncool that i haven't been able to update this place... i've got a nasty cold (like horrible awful!!!) and i've been using what little energy i do have for work related things... I DO still really want to get stuff done on here... maybe next week when i'm (hopefully) feeling better. i want to finish the webkinz page i started working on a few days ago. i'm very excited to show everyone all my webkinz!! they are very cool and i love them a lot.

also i'm going to read black butler soon... it isn't really the kind of thing i would typically read but i'm pretty disappointed i didn't read it as a young child. it kind of perfectly lines up with the sort of manga i would read back then... would it have caused permanent psychological damage just like vampire knight did? yes probably! but like... i think its really funny that i can blame my constant obsession with vampires and my ever present love for 2000s edgelord aesthetics on vampire knight. did vampire knight desensitize me to some things i REALLY wish i was sensitive to? yes. that did happen, but like small price to pay for my unmatched vibes in present day. also if you haven't read vk you WOULD NOT believe the insane and disgusting stuff those freaks get up to. like i feel like it isn't as obvious in the anime but like... yeah... there is SO MUCH wrong with that manga. like. take everything that disgusted you while watching the anime (or seeing clips online from horrified viewers whatever) and crank it up to 1000. i'm not kidding. everything going on in vampire knight is fucking weird. there's actually a dating sim? and its really fun but like in a super cringe way. i'm really enjoying it so far even if every time i boot up the game i'm like... like okay if i didn't know everything i do about vampire knight... if i was just an anime fan... i think i could brush it off. just don't date kaname, bam problem solved. but like. i'm not that person. and i have to deal with the curse of knowledge. also the secret route is her teacher who is also her dads best friend and this is somehow like the second least weird route... :( i live in a hell world but like if you can look past all of... everything... the vk dating sim is pretty fun. especially with friends. every time kaname shows up he's like weirdly close and we yell at him to give us personal space.

anyways here's to hoping i feel better for work tmro!!! hope everyone has a great day XD

shojo beat

June 26th 2023 | Afternoon
Topic: Book Club (1)
Mood: Overwhelmed

i'm actually on a quest to read every shojo beat imprint. i kind of have beef with viz, but like shojo beat was my childhood, every manga i read as a child (except assassination classroom) was a shojo beat imprint. mainly: vampire knight, library wars: love & war (which i still consider to be my favorite manga of all time), ouran high school host club, the first two(?) volumes of dengeki daisy, la corda d'oro and a few others. so yeah the imprint is very nostalgic for me and i want to read everything it has to offer (and also maybe eventually collect at least a few of the series published between 2000 and 2011?) i just started reading sand chronicles today. its making me very sad especially as i'm currently in a transitional period of my life. i am really enjoying it though and the art is very pretty and the relationships all feel very real and heartfelt.

okay list time here are all of shojo beat imprints i have FINISHED: library wars love and war, la corda d'oro, ouran high school host club, vampire knight (the series that started it all...)

here are all the shojo beat imprints i have started but NOT finished: dengeki daisy, fairy cube, from far away, the gentlemen's alliance, nana (yes i am ashamed to have only read a bit we don't talk about it), sand chronicles, snow white with the red hair

also i know its not a lot but i am so bad at reading please cut me some slack... also why is vampire knight the only series with an anime photo on the shojo beat imprint website its kind of jarring. like even other series like ouran and snow white with the red hair, which have quite popular anime adaptations use manga pics? as for my quest to read all of them - once i'm done sand chronicles i think i might just start alphabetically? i also don't know what i'm going to do when i hit wolf girl & black prince because i hate it on principle of everything i've heard about it - the main relationship sounds so toxic and i feel like i would've ate it up as a nine year old and that horrifies me.

how things are going

June 23rd 2023 | Mid-day
Topic: Life Update
Mood: Fine

HELLO SAT7 VISITORS! um hi! i have one big hurdle left and then a bunch of free time will (hopefully) be opening up for me! so hopefully i am going to be able to focus on this website and other things i enjoy a lot more now! sooooo close !!

also also i read run away with me girl this week and i really liked it!! major content warning for domestic abuse if you decide to check it out though. the art is so so so pretty and it was sooo majorly heartwarming oh my god. i have such a long list of manga to read... but i'll get on that soon soon soon!!! i guess i should link my my anime list somewhere but for now i'm bitterblackberry on MAL. my account is super up to date because i regularly find myself dropping and picking up anime and manga and MAL helps me remember where i was. so as far as i can remember (there might be a show or two missing from when i started watching anime as an eight year old), every single anime and manga i've ever watched/read is on there. I THINK. i even dug up the ecchi anime i watched at 11ish(maybe older?) (i didn't know what ecchi was at the time and my asexual + eleven year old ass did not pick up on it being sexual) that had no notable features about it and i had almost completely forgotten, to add it. it was absolute duo by the way.

actually lets talk about the anime and manga i watched/read as a 8-11 year old lol

this is the one i mentioned earlier. i still don't remember anything about it other than asking my mom what rum was while watching. all i know about it is that there was a girl with purple/silver hair. i don't remember anything about her. i didn't even know she existed until i dug through the fantasy/ecchi sections on my anime list so i could add it to my list. so uh i guess i'd give this one a 4/10. i'd give it lower for leaving such an absolutely NOTHING impact on me, but it does get a few extra points just for the comedy of eleven year old me ACTUALLY watching a boring, bottom of the barrel, copy paste ecchi series for the PLOT.

okay so i'm grouping these together because much like absolute duo i have nothing to say about accel world. i watched it, i vaguely remember it, it left NO impact on me. so lets move on to hecking SWORD ART ONLINE TT which has... unfortunately left a massive impact on me. i'm still a big sao fan to this day... i don't really care about the text itself NOW, and more rely on my own headcanons to feul my interest but back in the day i had watched basically all of it. twice. i watched fairy dance and ggo twice and i watched sao three and a half times. i watched mothers rosario at least twice but possibly more, i think that awakened something gay in me. i got one of my friends to watch all the way up to sachi's death. i haven't seen alicization because it didn't exist when i was watching this stuff. i did watch sao alternative when it came out though because i watched the mothers basement ones to watch video that featured it lol. i give accel world a 2/10 for not being as funny of a show for a little kid to watch as absolute duo AND not leaving any impact on me. i give SAO a number so deep in the negatives that it loops back into positive out of ten for both being one of my fav series and ruining my life. and also because of that one scene in fairy dance. if youve seen the show (and probably even if you havent) you know the one, that scarred me as a child like i don't want to get into actual criticism of SAO's horrible sexism rn so i won't but oh my god that scene was awful.

i'm actually reading the manga currently. i read the first volume as a kid because it was in the local library but didn't have access to the full thing until a few years ago and now am finally getting around to it. okay but onto the anime this was one of my favorite shows as a kid and its still one of my favorites now yay. 10/10 not much to say because it didn't do any permanent damage. oh except nagisa. i blame who i am now on him.

i need you to understand that i thought handshakers was the shit as a child. i think that is a really important thing about me. also i'm horribly envious of my child self. sometimes i get motion sickness from playing MINECRAFT so bad i have to turn it off and youre telling me i could watch HANDSHAKERS as a child and felt fine??? oh also i was too stupid to understand the incest plotline (this is going to become a theme). 0/10 it makes me angry.

something notable about me is that when i was in elementry school i went to the local highschools anime night and met a highschooler who later babysat me. this is important becasue the one time she looked after me, she sat me down on the sofa, pulled up kissanime on her school computer, hastily darkened the screen so i couldn't see the porn ads, and then opened ouran high school host club. this fundamentally changed me as a person. i had read one manga before this and watched one mediocre anime movie. ouran was my first anime. ever. anyways permanent damage to my psyche followed. i read the entire manga too. i spent most of my middle school life waiting on a season 2. i still really like this show (despite its... issues...), and it was kind of my big introduction to anime so uh 10/10 or -10/10 you decide.

OKAY this is the big one folks. this is the animanga that did the most permanent damage to child me. imagine it is the year of our lord 2013, and i'm in elementry school. i visit the local library and what is this? books? WITH PICTURES? i'm stuck at the library for another few hours at least so i curl up in a corner and get reading. i do not know what manga is so even though i manage to read the book itself right to left, the actual panels i read left to right. i don't really understand what is happening but i am obsessed. i don't think i ever processed who kaname was. i read the entire series in a very short period of time and read the other manga that the library has to offer. my anime fan babysitter shows me a site i'd never heard of called kissanime (you will be missed). with my newfound skills i watch the entire anime and also get one of my friends into it. we are unstoppable. we could take or leave kaname but ZERO? we loved that man. i have not spoken to this girl in nearly ten years but i still have a picture of zero she drew me. 100/10.

anyways. theres more, especially in regards to manga, but for the most part the other manga i read at that age i only had access to one or two volumes that were in TERRIBLE condition so i don't really have much to say. hope you enjoyed this tangent that i went on even tho i really do have things to do lol. thinking back on all these has me thinking about how much little me wouldve loved ZOMBIE-LOAN lol.


June 16th 2023 | Night
Topic: Just chatting (3)
Mood: Beyond Stressed

i am happy to say that i'm finally getting somewhere with my website again after months of little to no updates due to being overwhelmed with school and work. i'm actually at the height of all of these things right now so i'm doubly stressed but eughh i'm trying not to think about it to hard. i started playing dual destines recently but because i'm so busy i'm still on the first trial. i really like it though and am excited to play more once i'm finally done with the hellpit we call highschool once and for all. i'm so excited for it to be over -- i feel like i've just become a worse and worse version of myself the more school piles on the pressure. like i kind of feel like i'm regressing to the bitter angry person i was in middle school due to the stress i'm under right now. it's kind of disheartening to feel like the progress i've been making in my worldview is getting washed down the drain but i'll just keep my head up and get back to work on my perception of the world once i'm not so busy that all i can think about is how tired i am.

enough about that though. i've been working on a project for school where i keep having to look at the shojo beat imprint page (i know this sounds fake - its for a more self-directed sort of class so i got to choose my project) and it's so hard to get anything done because i just keep wanting to read manga instead of do any work... i'm currently reading assassination classroom because the anime was one of my favs as a wee lad tm. anyways goodnight everyone - i have 2 get up early for work tomorrow so i'm heading to sleep early TT

Happy 4/13

April 13th 2023 | Night
Topic: Just talking
Mood: Exhausted

I am very tired right about now lol. I've been working on and off on this website all night now and I really want to go to sleep but I'm not properly tired. I've been reading Requiem of The Rose King lately; it's been okay. I started reading it because I'm obsessed with the emo historical stuff. Like the emoboyification of Hamlet? I love it. I love this silly website but it's so hard to keep up with it when school is draining me so much lol. Hopefully updates become more frequent as I go on. I don't really have much to say other than happy Neil day.


September 11th 2022 | Night
Topic: Just chatting (2)
Mood: None?

I think physical media is really cool, it's so hard for me to keep myself from spending my already limited funds on DVDs or other products I know I could get online free/cheaper. I love physical games especially, I love holding the box and popping the cart out, I love the way they fill my shelves, I love the art on the inside of the box. I try to justify to myself that the reason I love these things so much is because I am trying to preserve these things, and of course, that is part of it, but I think I just have this gremlin urge to collect, I like trinkets and boxes and pictures and jewelry, I like trading cards and the weight of a book.

I got a new book today, it's the first volume of a manga I had never heard of before I saw it on the shelf. I love the way the art looks and the premise sounded like something I'd like. I'm going to start reading it as soon as I'm done with my website for today. I have this cute little manga shelf in my room, it's fairly empty but I have Splatoon1, Hi Score Girl1-3, Adachi to Shimamura1 and Komi Can't Communicate1. I also have the light novel for Adachi to Shimamura, it's one of my favorite books of all time, I really want to keep reading the series but haven't had a chance :(

Today I played a game called Princess Remedy in a World of Hurt, it was really fun! I recommend it for sure :3 it was super cute and the gameplay was fun. I want to play games more often but it's so hard to work up the energy ick.

Only a short entry for today, I want to get back to work and don't really have much to say. I'm going to go work on the rest of my website.

Also I'm realizing I have yet to mention how much I like June Egbert from Homestuck, I think she might be my favorite character in anything ever ! I just wanted to add that in, I think she's really neat.

Magical Girl Renaissance?

September 10th 2022 | Night
Topic: Magical Girl Ramblings (1)
Mood: Bored

I should really be working on my COOL STUFF page but I don't really feel like it ugh. I'm suddenly disatisfied with the rest of my website theme. I kind of want to change it up. ALREADY. Jeez. Maybe I'll just change it a bit to match this page? I like the way this looks. Simpler.

I want to work on one of my magical girl essays but eugh I'm really tired. I can explain them here though, no matter how many times I present my thoughts on magical girls I never grow bored of it. Essentially my thesis is that magical girls can be split into four era's. Starting with CLASSIC magical girls, this is essentially anything up to around the mid 90's and was often called "Little Witch" rather than magical girl. These anime are characterized by witch theme's, rather than what you'd think of as a "magical girl" and tended to have solo leads. They don't much resemble magical girls as we know them today but they did set the groundwork for what was to come. The most prominent example of this would be Sally the Witch probably. Secondly is the magical girl RENAISSANCE. This took place from around the mid 90's to the 2010's. This era is characterized by ensemble casts, feminist themes, mascot pets and transformations (however it is important to note that the magical girl transformation was NOT invented during the renaissance). While Sailor Moon is the most recognizable and arguably the most significant show of this era I propose that the Pretty Cure series is actually more quintessentially magical girl renaissance than Sailor Moon, despite it being the show that kickstarted the era. Next is the MODERN magical girl, which while STARTED by Peulla Magi Madoka Magica does NOT include PMMM. PMMM firmly falls into the renaissance category despite it's wildly different tone and target audience. the modern magical girl era is essentially from 2010 to the present. It is characterized by violence, mature subject matter and most importantly to my area of writing, anti-feminist themes. One of the most prominent anime of this era is Magical Girl Site. The final era is one that I believe is currently in it's beginning stages, this is POST-MODERN magical girl anime. It is characterized by a re-embrace of classic and renaissance themes and motifs as well as a rejection of the thoughtless violence of the modern era. A good example of this era would be Little Witch Academia, in this show we can see a reconnect with the Little Witch genre magical girl's evolved from.

All of this is not to say that there is no place for mature magical girl anime, what I'm trying to do is explain why I don't think a lot of the new magical girl anime is actually magical girl. It is my opinion that feminist themes are one of the most important pieces of the magical girl genre. Beyond the cute transformations and pretty compacts (however those are extremely important too) what drives most magical girl anime is that there is power in femininity and the importance and beauty of friendship between women or girls. This is why PMMM, a show filled to the brim with violence and grief is one I consider to fall into the second era rather than the third. It still has all the things vital to a magical girl anime. However if you take a look at something like Magical Girl Site you will see that it completely disregards the driving forces that make magical girls magical girls and even plays into what I would consider anti-feminist tropes.

Eugh... I had more to say on the topic but now I can't remember... lame. I want to keep working on my site now but my eyes are starting to burn and my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. Not ideal. Goodnight everyone. I'll get more done tomorrow. If you haven't already check out some Precure, I don't have a suggestion as to what series so just go with what is most available to you.

First Post!

September 9th 2022 | Evening
Topic: Just talking
Mood: Sleepy

I put together this blog page set up today :) I hope to add in a navbox and some decor on the left of this image, maybe I'll also add space for a cute picture next to the post title! I always end up working on this website for hours without even meaning to. It's like I completely lose track of time.

I think it would be benificial to record my account of what was going on yesterday since it was such a chaotic day. So, firstly there was Sanssweep and Reigensweep, the Twitter poll for Best Tumblr Sexyman. Personally I don't think Reigen really qualifies as a Tumblr Sexyman but his inclusion was incredibly funny so that's all that really matters. Then there's all these pictures of Chris Pine, looking just absolutely miserable and out of it, I honestly don't really know anything about that man or what left him looking so empty but the pictures were pretty silly. Then I guess the big one, the Queen of England falls ill and passes. Many people on Tumblr find out from memes of the two Supernatural dudes in the superhell scene that say "I love you" "There is no Queen of England". Even more posts circulate claiming the shock of Reigen losing the Twitter Poll is what took her out, leading to people claiming Sans Undertale killed the Queen of England. mm I think that's it, though I could be missing something as 99% of my Tumblr feed is just Brisket Guilty Gear.

Now that that's over and done with I would like to talk about my experience programming this website! I've greatly enjoyed it thus far, HTML and CSS are surprisingly easy to grasp! I felt very overwhelmed when I started this venture some few months ago, I worked on a home page for weeks that had nothing on it but a button saying Click to Navigate. Then I forgot to save and all gone! But I think that was the chance I needed to really make something I could be proud of. Fun fact: the first draft of this website had a pastel glitchcore theme. Anyways, I've been really enjoying this! It gives me a sense of creative expression that my writing does not, of course I still love writing but this is a nice addition to my hobbies :) also I rarely just stare at the screen going "what do i do??" like I do when writing so that's a plus for sure.

I think I'm done with the blog post, I just needed text to fill the box while I format everything so I figured I would take a break and write this. It's time to get back to coding!